A new day has come...

The song by Celine Dion "A New Day has Come" has been so inspirational for me these past couple of months. If you have never heard it I recommend you listening to the slow version.

My name is Heather, I am the mother to a 3 year old little boy who we will call Goob. His real name is Carson Miles. He is extremely big for a 3 year old, and he is exceptionally smart and artistic. I know most people think that about their kids but in my case it is 100% true. I have a great husband, Mark, who is in the Navy. I am lucky enough that he can provide and I get to be a stay at home mom. We have always talked about having kids ( Carson is mine from a previous relationship but knows Mark as his only dad ) but it has never been that simple. Here is our story


Lucas James Booker was born on June 15, 2011 at 17 weeks and 1 day old. He was born a sleeping angel. He had developed something called a Cystic Hygroma which is like a water filled tumor. He ended up losing his fight with it and passed from heart failure. After 13 hours of labor and no pain meds I delivered my 1.5 oz baby boy. I ended up having to go get a D&C after delivery because my placenta would not release and come out. I think about this everyday and wonder what if I did this or what if I caused it. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I did not cause any of this. We had genetic testing done not only on Lucas but on me as well and all results came back negative for everything. That was also a heartbreaking day. I hate not having answers, my only conclusion is that we were not meant to have him at that time. I believe in fate and I think I understand the reasoning behind it. He will always be in heart.

We are now expecting another little one on September 6, 2012. 1 week before my birthday. We are hoping for the best but taking it only one day at a time. It is scary, every little twinge or pain I get freaked out about. I only want one thing a healthy baby. The sex, appearance, or date does not matter. Hopefully you will follow on this journey with me. We are waiting to tell friends and a lot of family until 17-20 weeks. So this will be our little secret